A Heart Worth Yearning for?
by Buntaichou
Summary: Eren is in love. Yet he doesn't tell anyone, only writing it out in a diary. What will become of him, the diary, and the one he yearns for? ((AU. RiRen. Rated T for language.))
1. April 11th, 2013

_TO EVERYONE WHO FOLLOWS MY HETALIA STORIES/DGM; don't kill me. Most of the DGM are on Hiatus and the same with Hetalia. Except ESTD, think of this as a way of breaking my writer's block so I can continue it, da?_

_Officially joining the SnK fanfic writer bandwagon!_

_*glances around* shit._

_I sincerely apologise if I fudge up characterisations and whatnot._

_Disclaimer: I don't own SNK/AoT or any of it's associated characters._

* * *

**April 11th, 2013**

Its been six years since I touched this diary.

Book. Journal. Whatever you wanna call it.

I know, the psychiatrists told me to keep record of how I was feeling day to day after Mum died but I was ten.

I was ten and couldn't be fucked with that shit. Well, I'm now sixteen and couldn't give _less_ of a fuck about keeping a shitty little diary about my 'issues'.

I only used three pages for diary entries, so... eighty pages are still empty. Ooh, tantalising. (note the sarcasm.)

no. Mother isn't the reason why I'm writing in a diary. Or why I'm freaking out like an obsessed teenaged girl, about to see her idiotic, favourite band of all time.

No. I'm... in love. I think.

Wait, fuck. It's pen and won't erase?! What is-...

I'll fix it this way; NOT LOVE, JUST A CRUSH. I think.

But, like all the other crushes I've had, I know it'll die in the ass; he doesn't like me. Never will. Pretty sure he's asexual, aromantic and just a sadistic prick.

I can't tell anyone else; Mikasa'd flip out, Armin's too nervous, Connie... yeah, no. Don't even both with Sasha.

That's why I'm writing this, to get it out. I feel so... Stressed. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't be gay, no fucking way! Actually- no, that would piss Mikasa if she found out.

Speaking of which, she's home. Better hide this.

but before I do, I'll write his name, just to get it out of my system.

Levi.

actually, that was nice to write...

Levi, Levi, Levi.

-E


	2. April 12th, 2013

_shout out to my readers!_

_I know the chapters are short; some will be much shorter, some will be longer. Don't kill me._

* * *

**_April 12th 2013_**

_(8:27 a.m)_

School. It's starting in three minutes exactly but my ass ain't moving from this bed. It's fucking raining outside and there is no way in Hell that I

_**...**_

_(10.14 a.m)_

Mikasa found me and dragged me out of bed. She used the 'What would your mother say?' card again. Missed breakfast in my rush, and showed up to class late. My uniform smells like wet dog. I smell like wet dog. No wonder people were silent when I walked to my seat. What a fucking embarrassment. I'm just glad that Armin ushered me into the bathroom and gave me a can of deodorant to try to cover up that smell. I'm still in there, actually. It's only been fourteen minutes and I told Armin to go ahead to our corner of the school, telling him that I was going to try to dry off my shirt. I am but I'm also writing this, obviously.

Levi isn't here today; we usually have Double English on Thursday mornings together. Actually, we aren't in many classes together; just Geography, English and Physical Ed.

Yes. I enjoy PE. No, that isn't just because Levi looks hot when we have to run laps. Or that look on his face he has when he's climbing the rockwall... No, those are just part of the reason, I swear.

Better go.

-E

**...**

_(9.09 p.m)_

Before I left today, I saw Erwin. We talked for barely a minute- about homework, of course, but naturally, the topic of Levi came up.

turns out he's got family issues at the moment but he'll be back tomorrow.

The reason why I asked?

The English teacher gave us an assignment and grouped us up herself. Surprise surprise; I'm with Levi. And Armin. Mikasa's pissed because she's with Connie and Sasha, whom just discovered love. (Yeah, I never thought they'd get together)

Hopefully he'll be there tomorrow.

-E


	3. April 23rd, 2013

_heh, nice to see that people actually _do _read this :)_

_R&R it makes me happy and quickens updates ^^_

* * *

**April 23rd, 2013**

It's been a little while since I wrote anything, so I suppose I should have a lot to write about, huh?

Okay, let's start with the uh... bad news.

Mikasa broke her ankle.

I don't know how, I don't know why, I don't know when. All I know is that she came limping into our foster parents living room, ankle bound.

Not sure whether I should cheer quietly or shut up and support her...

That's all, really, for bad news.

I had a wonderful week.

Levi came back, as promised, on the Friday and he talked to me. He actually fucking talked to me.

Wow, I know.

Anyways, before I get sidetracked, we were discussing our assignment.

It's boring and pointless.

'Research a poet, author or playwright and create a presentation on said person. This presentation must include an example of their work- minimum of a paragraph. Also, you are expected to submit an individual side to this; write a Creative Response based off chosen persons works.'

Bleh, too much work.

Too much arguing.

Armin wants to do Shakespeare, Levi wants to do Stephen King- nice choice- and me? I don't actually care. King'd be interesting...

Better news; for this, Levi is going to give me his email so we can talk it over, probably tomorrow.

I don't know what it is about him, but... I like him. A lot.

Maybe everyone's wrong, maybe there is a soft side to Levi...

Guess we'll see, huh?

-E


	4. April 25th, 2013

**April 25th, 2013**

Emailed Levi last night, through the school's email system.

Yes, he gave me his email address. Sigh, ah; happiness.

He replied soon after, an hour later.

* * *

_To: Jaegerbombastic._

_From: Leviathan_2.1_

_Eren,_

_just because I gave you my email address, it doesn't mean I want to be friends with you. Or that I like you in the slightest. So don't get cocky, I'm doing this for the grades._

_'I think we should...'_

_That's great. Put that past your emotional friend. I'm sure he'd love it._

_I don't care, really. As I said, I'm doing this for the grades_

_Oh, but I suppose I should give you my house address tomorrow._

_I'll see you first lesson, I assume._

_Levi._

* * *

Oh my fucking God. I can't breathe. this... This is.. amazing.

and shit. Holy shit.

whatifhefindsoutomgicantdothis.

What if he catches me looking at him- wait, he did that the other day... Huh. That glare was sorta sexy though...

I have to take a deep breath and just take it as it comes. And if the 'it' is Levi asking me out, I have to think about it for at least five minutes. At least. Because seriously, there might be things Levi does in his spare time that are illegal. (How else could he get so hot, really? How do I know he doesn't shoplift or weightlift using bodies or... I don't know. Maybe he just practices?)

Well, I'm off...

-E

* * *

(_26th of April, 2013; the next day. Outside the classroom.)_

Eren hadn't been able to sleep much. He had put the pen down, shoved it and his journal under a loose bit of flooring under his bedside table, and after shedding his clothing down to his boxers, had climbed into his bed and shut his eyes, hoping to be embraced by sleep and all her beauty- like, really hot fantasies and whatnot.

But the bitch didn't come to him at all, so the poor teen was left to grow tired as he struggled to fall asleep.

He was like a zombie, but the foreign heavy metal blaring in his ears was keeping him awake. He jumped a little at the sensation of someone touching his back then arm, eyes darting up from the floor to meet Mr Sex on Legs; Levi.

Levi looked amused for a moment- a very brief second- before his face settled back to his usual look of boredom. He reached into a pocket and took out a slip of paper, holding it out to the other.

"Don't lose it, I ain't re-writing it."

"Oh.. Thank-"

"Don't mention it. I'll email you." was all the other said before slipping into the classroom, Eren's eyes following him.

He grinned, looking at the address.

'Well, fuck.'


	5. April 27th, 2013

_**27th of April, 2013**_

I could scream. The tension... it's getting to me.

Levi and I talk a little more but he's still so unreachable. Not sure if he's lonely or wants me to fuck off.

He has been online, so... I kinda have been trying to talk to him using the IM system, on top of email- which I realise he rarely checks.

* * *

_27/4/13, at 9pm._

_Leviathan_2.1 has logged on._

_Jaegerbombastic has started a conversation with Leviathan_2.1_

E: hi...

Why aren't you replying...

I can see that you've seen these...

L: What do you want

E: oh! So now you reply...

I was just wondering if I can come over yet

L: no.

E: please?

L: fuck no.

_Leviathan_2.1 has logged off._

_(28/4/13, 10:03am)_

E: Leviiiii

L: what.

E: today?

L: ...

E: ?

L: no.

E: why?

L: busy.

E: really...?

L: NO.

* * *

_**28th of April, 2013**_

He's so mean to me.

I have decided that I actually hate Levi's guts and will no longer try to talk to him not in person.


	6. April 29th, 2013

**_29th of April, 2013_**

I usually I don't hate Mondays, but something happened today that makes me really, really hate Mondays. Really.

Hanji, a girl who's in like, the next grade, was stalking me down the corridor. I'll admit, I nearly hit her but she actually said something of importance to me.

Something I wasn't expecting.

Y'see... Hanji is a part of the school's BL club (nicknamed the rainbow squad. Don't ask.) And she literally has tabs on every potential member or possible couple.

She knows. She has seen the looks I kept giving Levi.

She fucking knows.

But promptly after telling me, she told me Levi was taken already.

Hanji wouldn't tell me who it was, but she said she didn't 'ship it.' Neither does Christa, apparently.

To add insult to injury, I have been invited to join the rainbow squad.

Me. Eren Jaeger.

What the actual fuck.

Onto better news;

Tomorrow will be better.

Why? Because Levi has invited me over. After school, I think. He wasn't clear...


End file.
